Football thank god for Mohamed from a marriage licence to a season ticket

There’s an old saying in football:

‘You can change your wife, or partner but
you can’t change your team.’

Football, Thank God for Mohamed: From a Marriage Licence to a Season Ticket is a light-hearted look at the life of a boy developing from a young child to an adult. It covers his everyday highs and lows over the years; his family life and the trials and tribulations which that brings; and his meeting and falling in love with members of the opposite sex and how they treated him. It also explores how his everyday personal life has changed over the last sixty years: from school days through to marriage, and eventually retirement.
At the same time, From a Marriage Licence to a Season Ticket shows the development of that same small child growing up and becoming a full-time football supporter. Being a child in a football family brought similar trials and tribulations: how he picked his team and fell in love with it; how the team treated him; and how being a football supporter has changed over the last 60 years in almost the same way that his personal life has changed.
It tells the details of all the years of supporting his team, Fulham, the cost, the long away trips, freezing cold evening matches, soaking wet Saturdays, scorching hot Sundays, the verbal abuse from the opposition’s supporters, and the long hours sitting in cars, trains and coaches, the pain and suffering, especially when losing at those long, long away matches (which always made the trip back home feel even longer).

BUT NOT ONCE IN ALL THAT TIME DID HE ASK HIMSELF:
‘WHY AM I DOING THIS WEEK IN AND WEEK OUT?’

Hopefully this book will explain why fully fledged supporters do it. This book is based on the author’s own personal experiences, therefore, the book is written from a male point of view.

I first started writing this book about eighteen years ago, but due to work commitments (being a Class 1 HGV night driver) I never seemed to get the time to sit and write it. But over the last couple of years, I’ve since managed to put more hours into getting it finished, so hopefully you will forgive me if there are pieces in the book that on the football side might be a little, or a lot, out of date, or totally wrong. (What do you expect? I’m a lorry driver not William bleeding Shakespeare!!) Over the years I have had to rewrite parts of the book due to the way certain things have changed in the football world. Also, because Watford didn’t stop sacking their managers, and West Brom, Norwich and Fulham didn’t stop fucking yo-yoing in the league, I thought I’d never finish the fucking book.
My name is Tom. Pleased to meet you. I hope you enjoy the read.


The wedding bells ring to start our future
THE REFEREE’S WHISTLE BLOWS TO START OUR GAME
Wedding bells
FOOTBALL CLAPPERS


The registry office

‘Do you (groom), take (bride) to be your lawfully wedded wife,
To have and to hold from this day forward,
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health, until death do you part?’
‘I do.’

‘I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.’

THE REFEREE’S WHISTLE BLOWS TO START OUR GAME
The wedding bells ring to start our future
FOOTBALL CLAPPERS
Wedding bells

The ticket office

‘Do you (supporter), take (team) to be your only football team,
To follow and to support from this season on,
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
In winning, drawing or losing, until death do you part?’
‘I do.’

‘I now pronounce you a season ticket holder. You may now kiss the badge.’



‘Women and football are two of the
most beautiful things on earth.’
(Apart from my wife’s banoffee pie.)
MOST FOOTBALL SUPPORTERS LOVE THEIR TEAMS
AS MUCH AS THEY LOVE THEIR PARTNERS.

What shape do you like your women to be …
32–22–32 or maybe 38–26–36 or even 42–36–46?
WHICH FORMATION DO YOU LIKE
YOUR TEAM TO PLAY …
4–4–2 or maybe 3–5–2 or even 4–3–3?


Do you like your women to be direct
or
do you like your women to tease?

DO YOU LIKE YOUR TEAM TO PLAY DIRECT
OR
DO YOU LIKE YOUR TEAM TO PLAY KEEP BALL?

Whatever your preference, it’s all about
‘THE LOVE’



Life can be hard no matter which street you live in,
from the poorest streets of England to the richest streets.

THIS IS A BOOK OF TWO HALVES.

GAMES CAN BE HARD NO MATTER
WHICH LEAGUE YOU PLAY IN,
FROM THE LOWEST AND POOREST LEAGUES
IN ENGLAND TO THE RICHEST LEAGUES



FOOTBALL, THANK GOD FOR MOHAMED:
FROM A MARRIAGE LICENCE
TO A SEASON TICKET



Chapter One
The Perfect Match

Good days, bad days:
GOOD MATCHES, BAD MATCHES

It wasn’t until I was about seventeen or eighteen that I personally knew of anybody by the name of Mohamed (apart from a couple of blokes that worked in the local newsagent’s and the takeaway), but none really to say I knew up close and personal. Back in the 50s and 60s there weren’t many foreigners on the estate where I lived, and only a couple at my school. So I didn’t really get to mix with many people from a different culture. But then, in the late 1990s, as if by chance, two Mohameds came into my personal life, and also my footballing world. Two men, whose worlds could not be further apart if they were living on different planets.
One was a very, very famous rich Egyptian shop owner, known as Mohamed Al-Fayed. The other was a not very, very famous rich Tunisian hotel entertainments manager, known as Mohamed Ali Amroussi. But these two men between them showed me two different footballing worlds that I could never have envisaged.
The second of these two men, the poor old entertainment manager, Mohamed Ali Amroussi, took my son Lee and me on an absolutely mind-blowing and amazing adventure into the football experience of the Africa Cup of Nations in 2004, which was held in Tunisia. This story you will be able to read (if you’re bored and with nothing better to do) at a later date under the heading of Extra Time when it has been published.
The first of these two men, Mr Mohamed Al-Fayed, changed the whole meaning of football for me and many, many, other Fulham supporters who watched my beloved team Fulham playing mainly in the lower leagues for over 30 years sadly without much success, apart from an amazing 11-match cup run in the 1974–1975 FA Cup (which is still a record today. And due to rule changes regarding the cancelling of replays, it will stay a record). Sadly, this ended with a Wembley 2–0 defeat to West Ham (Wet Spam) in the final. If you can call losing a success, I suppose getting to our first ever major final was our success, after having been beaten in a few more minor semi-finals in previous years.
Fulham, as I said, hadn’t had a great deal of success over the years. In 1996 they were languishing, or should I say slowly dying, in the Third Division, under the guidance of Ian Branfoot. Branfoot was soon then replaced by Micky Adams who had been at the club as a player for a couple of seasons. Adams took over the role as player–manager and helped us slowly up the table. Fulham, at this time, looked as if they were about to go out of the league altogether due to a financial meltdown. And the rumours were that the ground had been sold to a company called Cabra Estates for about £14 million, and the club would possibly go out of business altogether, or have to find another place to play.
Then, on the 5th of April 1997, Fulham’s future was about to change dramatically. Fulham were drawing with Carlisle United at Brunton Park, United’s home ground. Then with about 35 minutes to go, a goal by the legend that is now Rodney McAree changed the whole destiny of Fulham FC. That goal won us the game 2–1 and guaranteed us promotion to Division Two. The song ‘Rodney McAree, Rodney McAree. Who put the ball in the Carlisle net, Rodney McAree’ is still being sung at just about every Fulham game.
Cabra Estates thankfully went out of business for some reason or another that I’m not too sure about (or really care about to be honest). The bank resold the ground back to Fulham, thanks to the hard work and dogged determination of the then chairman Jimmy Hill, and they were back on track. Things were starting to look up for Fulham FC, and the Fulham faithful. But what was to come next was even more of a shock, not only to us Fulham fans, but to the whole of the English football leagues.
The announcement on the 29th of May 1997 was that Fulham football club had been taken over by a billionaire shopkeeper. This breaking news left us all totally shocked and stunned. Was this some kind of a sick joke perhaps, or a rumour started by Ken Bates, the then chairman of Chelsea FC, to wind up the Fulham fans?
A little Second Division family club like Fulham being taken over by a billionaire? It couldn’t be true, could it? It would have been less of a shock if it had turned out to be old Arkwright (Ronnie Barker of Open All Hours).
BUT IT WAS TRUE!!
Mr Al-Fayed, the then owner of one of the world’s most prodigious stores, Harrods, purchased Fulham Football Club in 1997. There was no prior speculation and no rumours going around. Not a word to be heard on Sky Sports. (Where was Jim White when you needed him?) After the initial shock of the announcement had worn off, and our hearts started to get back to somewhere near the normal rate, there was quite a lot of speculation among the supporters as to what his reasons were for buying such a small now Second Division club that only had a fan base of about between four and five thousand. Why, when you have the financial clout to purchase almost any other more salubrious and successful club in the world, then why pick little ol’ Fulham?
Most of the opinions among the Fulham fans suggested that he wanted the ground, which is superbly sited alongside the River Thames, for the purpose of moving Fulham out to pastures new. He would then demolish the stadium and build luxury top-of-the-range apartments, each having a value of around the £1 million mark.
Many of our earlier fears were laid to rest when out went the very popular Micky Adams (who is still revered today by all the Fulham supporters) after one season. The board then brought in two football heroes: Ray Wilkins (sadly no longer with us) as manager, and Kevin Keegan as chief operating officer. When Ray Wilkins left in 1998, King Kev then took over the reins as manager.
Fears raised their ugly heads again when the proposed extension of Craven Cottage to a 40,000 all-seated stadium was blocked by a few local residents complaining about parking, the extra noise, and basically anything else they could moan at. Why buy a house near a football ground? Or an airport, as in the case of Heathrow (especially with all the ongoing issues of the third runway)? The cost of the court case and the lawyers escalated until it became too costly for Fulham to carry on the fight.
Regarding those who opposed the rebuilding of the Cottage, I hope that their drains get blocked and their houses flood and fall down, then when they apply to rebuild, we’ll oppose it, and they can then sod off, just like they wanted us to do. (There, rant over!!)
There were also more concerns regarding the stadium when there was talk of Mr Al-Fayed buying an old milk depot in Shepherd’s Bush about three or four miles away from the Fulham ground but only a five-minute walk from Loftus Road, the home of our dreaded enemy, QPR ha ha ha. There was talk that Fulham was looking to build a stadium there, and share the ground with the old enemy, which didn’t go down well at all with both sets of fans. That would be the equivalent of asking the Rooneys and the Vardys if they’d like to go on holiday together … or have a nice night in and share a KFC family bucket … It ain’t going to happen. FULL STOP.
So, after all that fell through, and having weighed up all options, it was decided by Mr Al-Fayed and the board that they would refurbish and extend the Cottage. We did also eventually groundshare with QPR ha ha ha for two seasons while the building work was carried out before returning to our spiritual home by the river after the revamp.
The Fulham rollercoaster was now on the move, taking me, along with the rest of the Fulham faithful, on a 14-year unbelievable adventure. When Kevin Keegan left to become the England manager, Mr Al-Fayed then appointed a French football legend called Jean Tigana.
Jean Tigana was a true football maestro. He had represented France in the 1980s, alongside two other French legends, and they were Michel Platini and Alain Giresse, who won the 1984 EUFA European Championship. At that time, they were seen as being one of the greatest mid-fielders of that generation. Tigana totally changed our style of play, and took us back to the top flight for the first time since 1968 with an incredible 101 points out of 138, and with an unbelievable style of football that I’d never, ever seen before at the Cottage. Jean Tigana then led us to a massive 5–3 but forgettable win in the 2002 Intertoto Cup final against Bologna. It was a terrible competition, in which three teams: Fulham, Malaga and Stuttgart, were all declared winners. All three winners were presented with a cup that made the Ashes cricket trophy look like the Champions League trophy. The competition was a complete and utter farce and, quite rightly, was abolished in 2008. However, after a few twists and turns, it has now ended up as the Europa League. Then in 2002–2003, Fulham lost in the later rounds of the UEFA Cup to Hertha Berlin. After a good start for the first two or three years in the Premier League, Fulham started to do what Fulham do best (struggle). Tigana then left.
Chris Coleman, who had had to retire due to a serious car crash in 2001, took over the reins until April 2007. Then in December 2007, with Fulham now facing relegation again under yet another manager, Lawrie Sanchez who again they soon replaced, and appointed Roy Hodgson as manager. Roy Hodgson did an absolutely incredible job of not only keeping us up by the skin of our teeth, but he also took us to a memorable 2009–2010 Europa League Cup Final. This sadly ended in defeat (another final defeat) against Atlético Madrid, in Hamburg. This was a team full of stars, and stars in the making: players such as David de Gea, Cabrera, Raul Garcia, Maxi Rodriguez, José Reyes, Diego Forlán and a certain Sergio Agüero-o-o-o (WHO?).
The 35-hour coach trip that my son and I endured for both the semi-final (the first leg in Hamburg against Hamburg where we drew 0–0, who we then went on to beat 2–1 at home in the second leg) and the same 35-hour coach trip back to Hamburg for the final, was worth every second of the trip.
Even though some of the years since have been a struggle, I will always be grateful to Mr Al-Fayed for taking us from the football poorhouse up to the dizzy heights of the Football League and eating off the Premiership table, and finally rubbing shin pads with some of football’s elite.
With Mr Mohamed Al-Fayed in mind (and his wonderful cheque book), Football, Thank God for Mohamed: From a Marriage Licence to a Season Ticket is by way of a thank you to him. It’s a light-hearted look into the similarities that I (and no doubt you too will have) had growing up from a child to what I am now: a senior citizen. From our first encounter with the opposite sex up until the time we commit ourselves to them by marriage. And that same young child (me) growing up to become a staunch football supporter. From our first encounter with our football team up until the time we commit ourselves to them by way of a season ticket. The strange and uncanny parallel life in which I, and most other supporters, have lived. That same parallel life is one that so many other supporters out there are also living now. Until we come to realise we have found ‘THE PERFECT MATCH.’